I know this is going to sound so cliche but I think to stop my own mind going absolutly crazy. I must start looking after me. I know thats wrong of my to say that given my current circumstances but I feel the time is right to kick start this attitude now.
There is no point in running around making everyone else happy when deep down inside you are as miserable as sin.
Heres to the future.
Thursday, 14 January 2010
Tuesday, 12 January 2010
with a heavy heart I write this
As the title says.
I lost one of the most important men in my life today. What upsets me the most was I didnt get chance to say goodbye.
If there is one thing I took for granted as a child it was the fact that my father would always be there for me. Sitting here with litterally tears in my eyes as I write this, all I can say and I do know is he is going to be very very sorely missed.
I have regrets when it comes to my dad that we never actually spoke all that much but still had the same respect for each other always no matter how much of a bad choice I had made.
He had angina As did his father. He had died of two heart attacks and while the doctors tried to keep it constant they couldnt. He was admited on the 11/01 with chest pain and discharged that night. He was admitted again just after half past 8 where his situation got worse.
I have my memories and the photograph from when I was a toddler to keep with me but it wont be the same.
I want to give my thanks to all my friends who have passed on their best even though you might not think its much it means alot to me it geniunly does
I will leave you with this thought
Never take for granted those you love.
I lost one of the most important men in my life today. What upsets me the most was I didnt get chance to say goodbye.
If there is one thing I took for granted as a child it was the fact that my father would always be there for me. Sitting here with litterally tears in my eyes as I write this, all I can say and I do know is he is going to be very very sorely missed.
I have regrets when it comes to my dad that we never actually spoke all that much but still had the same respect for each other always no matter how much of a bad choice I had made.
He had angina As did his father. He had died of two heart attacks and while the doctors tried to keep it constant they couldnt. He was admited on the 11/01 with chest pain and discharged that night. He was admitted again just after half past 8 where his situation got worse.
I have my memories and the photograph from when I was a toddler to keep with me but it wont be the same.
I want to give my thanks to all my friends who have passed on their best even though you might not think its much it means alot to me it geniunly does
I will leave you with this thought
Never take for granted those you love.
Sunday, 1 November 2009
Depressed
Its been a while and not a fat lot has bloody changed.
Still deperesssed still the fact I feel trapped and the fact I seem to be closing the world out isnt doing me any favours at all. (hence the lack of facebook/twitter updates)
Acutually thinking that I want things to change I really do want to be happy again and right now even the smallest thing ticks me off and I cant do much about it! which again pisses me off even more.
Should I just go the way of a few people I know and sit with a bottle of wine every night (even though this I know isnt me)? or just pack everything up and run my gut is telling me to do the latter, Even though its gonna be hard but worth it. Even if it does take me back to Wolverhampton.
Also another thing that has gotten to me is freaking double standards. I got slated for streaming video off youtube as it was hogging the bandwith so I though yea ok thats fine and stopped. Heres the double standard we changed ISP to BT now I know this about BT they have a generous monthly GB limit but When the same person who complained about me streaming is downloading isnt that a bad case of double fucking standards or am I getting old.
To be honnest I hope bt do pull the plug will teach a lesson that is so damn needed!
On a tangent.
Jensen Button fucking amazing. Nice one about time after all these years you won it!!!
Still deperesssed still the fact I feel trapped and the fact I seem to be closing the world out isnt doing me any favours at all. (hence the lack of facebook/twitter updates)
Acutually thinking that I want things to change I really do want to be happy again and right now even the smallest thing ticks me off and I cant do much about it! which again pisses me off even more.
Should I just go the way of a few people I know and sit with a bottle of wine every night (even though this I know isnt me)? or just pack everything up and run my gut is telling me to do the latter, Even though its gonna be hard but worth it. Even if it does take me back to Wolverhampton.
Also another thing that has gotten to me is freaking double standards. I got slated for streaming video off youtube as it was hogging the bandwith so I though yea ok thats fine and stopped. Heres the double standard we changed ISP to BT now I know this about BT they have a generous monthly GB limit but When the same person who complained about me streaming is downloading isnt that a bad case of double fucking standards or am I getting old.
To be honnest I hope bt do pull the plug will teach a lesson that is so damn needed!
On a tangent.
Jensen Button fucking amazing. Nice one about time after all these years you won it!!!
Saturday, 12 September 2009
thinking...... (yes again)
Had a few moments to myself last night to think alittle (wow been having alot of these again)
Am just thinking if I should do several things and curious how one thing is going to um work out.
I guess I shouldnt contemplate to much I mean if I beat myself up too much about one thing theres going to be nothing left for anyone else to right? :P then again I have been told I do beat my self up too often. (um maybe)
Also is it natural just to be scared of change I actually sat in bed last night pondering this. Or is it just when something feels right with a gut instinct or what ever is it even wise to go with this. I mean one choice that may seem right to you could just upset alot more close to you. Eck! so much to think about. With this it just feels like a loop and I wish I knew what I can do to fix/solve it. All I know is I love the feeling I get :) (and that should be all that matters right? or am I wrong there?!) I know its a decision I should have made years ago. Way before I moved up north anyway. This may need a bit more musing I guess.
Pipex
Oh yes my fave topic of Discussion right now in this house.
They struck again Last night and this morning THANK YOU pipex for the constant disconnection Really appreciated. Gimme me mac code NOW or I will be down Wales with the 1,000's of customers who ya have screwed with flame throwers. (Ok that wasnt a litteral threat but thats how Irate I am now)to be honnest I am all to willing to live without the internet for a while. At least till I sort this crap out. Annoying to say the very very least.
Am just thinking if I should do several things and curious how one thing is going to um work out.
I guess I shouldnt contemplate to much I mean if I beat myself up too much about one thing theres going to be nothing left for anyone else to right? :P then again I have been told I do beat my self up too often. (um maybe)
Also is it natural just to be scared of change I actually sat in bed last night pondering this. Or is it just when something feels right with a gut instinct or what ever is it even wise to go with this. I mean one choice that may seem right to you could just upset alot more close to you. Eck! so much to think about. With this it just feels like a loop and I wish I knew what I can do to fix/solve it. All I know is I love the feeling I get :) (and that should be all that matters right? or am I wrong there?!) I know its a decision I should have made years ago. Way before I moved up north anyway. This may need a bit more musing I guess.
Pipex
Oh yes my fave topic of Discussion right now in this house.
They struck again Last night and this morning THANK YOU pipex for the constant disconnection Really appreciated. Gimme me mac code NOW or I will be down Wales with the 1,000's of customers who ya have screwed with flame throwers. (Ok that wasnt a litteral threat but thats how Irate I am now)to be honnest I am all to willing to live without the internet for a while. At least till I sort this crap out. Annoying to say the very very least.
Saturday, 5 September 2009
here there and everywhere
Yep kinda neglected this thing yet again whoops my bad,
Got my wow shit sorted and me and Milliontwits (wow he is getting his name about with me now I want commission for this :p) Have got our little guild running under the name Sponsored by Twitter (yea me and creativity at 3 am in the morning dont mix) Have actually got a good chuckle out that name.
have had bad headaches over the past few days and I sure as hell know what company is behind it (thank you pipex and your fails) seriously one more thing with pipex I am going to do something I will regret to that company.
Thank you to forgetfulheart you cheered me up your gonna get a hug love if I ever ever see you!
Got my wow shit sorted and me and Milliontwits (wow he is getting his name about with me now I want commission for this :p) Have got our little guild running under the name Sponsored by Twitter (yea me and creativity at 3 am in the morning dont mix) Have actually got a good chuckle out that name.
have had bad headaches over the past few days and I sure as hell know what company is behind it (thank you pipex and your fails) seriously one more thing with pipex I am going to do something I will regret to that company.
Thank you to forgetfulheart you cheered me up your gonna get a hug love if I ever ever see you!
Monday, 31 August 2009
lets see
Now its fast approaching my birthday (shock bloody horror.)
Have ya ever got the feeling that sometimes yer just to old to put up the fight for stuff ya used to.
Had this myself this Morning I actaully just felt too old in general. Its not that I turn -that- old just a measly 26 but when you wake up from a day out and still find yaself hurting (only partly) the day after you kinda think that.
I was thinking this on the way back from Southport on Saturday when I was technically falling asleep on the bus (yep not a good look at all) I know I have been dewelling on what was said to me friday night. I wont go into details here but it actually stung alot.
I mean I have already told somepeople on my feelings about this and I think they kind of agree.
The person who shall remain nameless actually took one look at me and went simply
"fat bitch"
Now Considering I am extremly sensitive about this (only till I after I have aort it and I am near enough winning now) It takes me back a few years when I had the crazed neighbour living next to me anyway. I digress, I have a saying "if everybody was the same you'd be the fucking first to complain" granted there is a limit BUT what ever happened to if your happy screw the rest. Or am I alone in thinking that?!
Have ya ever got the feeling that sometimes yer just to old to put up the fight for stuff ya used to.
Had this myself this Morning I actaully just felt too old in general. Its not that I turn -that- old just a measly 26 but when you wake up from a day out and still find yaself hurting (only partly) the day after you kinda think that.
I was thinking this on the way back from Southport on Saturday when I was technically falling asleep on the bus (yep not a good look at all) I know I have been dewelling on what was said to me friday night. I wont go into details here but it actually stung alot.
I mean I have already told somepeople on my feelings about this and I think they kind of agree.
The person who shall remain nameless actually took one look at me and went simply
"fat bitch"
Now Considering I am extremly sensitive about this (only till I after I have aort it and I am near enough winning now) It takes me back a few years when I had the crazed neighbour living next to me anyway. I digress, I have a saying "if everybody was the same you'd be the fucking first to complain" granted there is a limit BUT what ever happened to if your happy screw the rest. Or am I alone in thinking that?!
Thursday, 27 August 2009
ok xp vs 7
Now I am not nocking neither just some things I have noticed.
WIN7
You have to make sure with this you know exactly what you want from it. with me it had issues with a couple of things.
1. It seemingly hates warcraft. Now I know win 7 is "new" but with me If it cant handle WoW its not worth it and with my machine hmm yea I was pushing it lol.
2. Programs Just randomly locked up. Really infurating but I aint here to pick at it.
The cons were that it was geniunely nice to use it had alot of features xp should have and it was fun to use.
XP
Now I love xp to bits. Biased to a point. Even though 7 as I say is new technology they will have to look at the few issues outlined above before I would consider moving every machine over. I did have it running for like 3 days before i found these problems with 7.
All in all.
Windows 7 is ok if your sure and 100% certain you have almost nothing on it that will conflict with it. If yer not sure I would say stick with xp until otherwise. Windows I have to say have pulled out the stops but as I said unless you are sure yer pc can handle it I wouldnt go out yer way.
WIN7
You have to make sure with this you know exactly what you want from it. with me it had issues with a couple of things.
1. It seemingly hates warcraft. Now I know win 7 is "new" but with me If it cant handle WoW its not worth it and with my machine hmm yea I was pushing it lol.
2. Programs Just randomly locked up. Really infurating but I aint here to pick at it.
The cons were that it was geniunely nice to use it had alot of features xp should have and it was fun to use.
XP
Now I love xp to bits. Biased to a point. Even though 7 as I say is new technology they will have to look at the few issues outlined above before I would consider moving every machine over. I did have it running for like 3 days before i found these problems with 7.
All in all.
Windows 7 is ok if your sure and 100% certain you have almost nothing on it that will conflict with it. If yer not sure I would say stick with xp until otherwise. Windows I have to say have pulled out the stops but as I said unless you are sure yer pc can handle it I wouldnt go out yer way.
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