Looking forward

Dispite the constant family wars that are going on

(and yes silvia I am aware you are probably reading this) I am sick of this rift I am fucking sick of people not discussing things with others. It is about time one of us actually said this but now is my turn to say it.

Grow the fuck up we are all adults here and yes its a stressful time for everyone right now and a bit of tact is needed as we are all drained.

I sit here typing this after a night of very little sleep again.

On the plus side I have a little darling of a laptop on its way to me wednesday :D My little lovely

Also congratulations to my little sis who broke some lovely news to me today xxx she is expecting a little kid :)

the day is fast approaching

The day I have been dreading ever since the news had broke about my father.

the funeral, I dont know why but part of me inside is actually trying to keep my brave front up and its actually getting harder now as the realisation is kicking in. I do have one saving grace which is I am keeping busy.

I know I have not slept properly in weeks and now the days are mergin. oh well i had better try and sleep before I choose to pass out at the keys yet again this month.

It Must go on

I know this is going to sound so cliche but I think to stop my own mind going absolutly crazy. I must start looking after me. I know thats wrong of my to say that given my current circumstances but I feel the time is right to kick start this attitude now.

There is no point in running around making everyone else happy when deep down inside you are as miserable as sin.

Heres to the future.

with a heavy heart I write this

As the title says.

I lost one of the most important men in my life today. What upsets me the most was I didnt get chance to say goodbye.

If there is one thing I took for granted as a child it was the fact that my father would always be there for me. Sitting here with litterally tears in my eyes as I write this, all I can say and I do know is he is going to be very very sorely missed.

I have regrets when it comes to my dad that we never actually spoke all that much but still had the same respect for each other always no matter how much of a bad choice I had made.

He had angina As did his father. He had died of two heart attacks and while the doctors tried to keep it constant they couldnt. He was admited on the 11/01 with chest pain and discharged that night. He was admitted again just after half past 8 where his situation got worse.

I have my memories and the photograph from when I was a toddler to keep with me but it wont be the same.

I want to give my thanks to all my friends who have passed on their best even though you might not think its much it means alot to me it geniunly does

I will leave you with this thought

Never take for granted those you love.

Depressed

Its been a while and not a fat lot has bloody changed.

Still deperesssed still the fact I feel trapped and the fact I seem to be closing the world out isnt doing me any favours at all. (hence the lack of facebook/twitter updates)

Acutually thinking that I want things to change I really do want to be happy again and right now even the smallest thing ticks me off and I cant do much about it! which again pisses me off even more.

Should I just go the way of a few people I know and sit with a bottle of wine every night (even though this I know isnt me)? or just pack everything up and run my gut is telling me to do the latter, Even though its gonna be hard but worth it. Even if it does take me back to Wolverhampton.

Also another thing that has gotten to me is freaking double standards. I got slated for streaming video off youtube as it was hogging the bandwith so I though yea ok thats fine and stopped. Heres the double standard we changed ISP to BT now I know this about BT they have a generous monthly GB limit but When the same person who complained about me streaming is downloading isnt that a bad case of double fucking standards or am I getting old.
To be honnest I hope bt do pull the plug will teach a lesson that is so damn needed!

On a tangent.

Jensen Button fucking amazing. Nice one about time after all these years you won it!!!

thinking...... (yes again)

Had a few moments to myself last night to think alittle (wow been having alot of these again)

Am just thinking if I should do several things and curious how one thing is going to um work out.

I guess I shouldnt contemplate to much I mean if I beat myself up too much about one thing theres going to be nothing left for anyone else to right? :P then again I have been told I do beat my self up too often. (um maybe)

Also is it natural just to be scared of change I actually sat in bed last night pondering this. Or is it just when something feels right with a gut instinct or what ever is it even wise to go with this. I mean one choice that may seem right to you could just upset alot more close to you. Eck! so much to think about. With this it just feels like a loop and I wish I knew what I can do to fix/solve it. All I know is I love the feeling I get :) (and that should be all that matters right? or am I wrong there?!) I know its a decision I should have made years ago. Way before I moved up north anyway. This may need a bit more musing I guess.

Pipex

Oh yes my fave topic of Discussion right now in this house.

They struck again Last night and this morning THANK YOU pipex for the constant disconnection Really appreciated. Gimme me mac code NOW or I will be down Wales with the 1,000's of customers who ya have screwed with flame throwers. (Ok that wasnt a litteral threat but thats how Irate I am now)to be honnest I am all to willing to live without the internet for a while. At least till I sort this crap out. Annoying to say the very very least.

here there and everywhere

Yep kinda neglected this thing yet again whoops my bad,

Got my wow shit sorted and me and Milliontwits (wow he is getting his name about with me now I want commission for this :p) Have got our little guild running under the name Sponsored by Twitter (yea me and creativity at 3 am in the morning dont mix) Have actually got a good chuckle out that name.


have had bad headaches over the past few days and I sure as hell know what company is behind it (thank you pipex and your fails) seriously one more thing with pipex I am going to do something I will regret to that company.

Thank you to forgetfulheart you cheered me up your gonna get a hug love if I ever ever see you!